I used to be a shell

The good news…

Theo did not pee on our bed.

The bad news…

He peed on something that was on the bed…and it spilled onto the bed, soaked through the duvet cover…the duvet…and the sheets.

The good news

It didn’t make it to the mattress!

The bad news…

Theo had a bad night last night and seems really out of sorts today. He’s been meowing a lot, and trotting around the room with alarming spunk. He hasn’t eaten the wet food today but I totally busted him eating his old dry food earlier! Theo has eaten that food for more than a decade, but the vet recommended switching to wet when he got sick. I started setting it out last week because right now, his weight loss is our  greatest concern. I figured giving him meal options may encourage him to eat more. We shall see.

*sigh*

Especially in a house where everyone else sleeps like the dead.

*sigh*

My kid is in the back seat playing a game that involves slaughtering cows by hitting them with his character’s bare hands!

Seriously!? How messed up is that?Even though it’s not graphic, it seems barbaric for a kids game. He says it’s his only food source until he can collect seeds. So I’m trying to help him figure out the quickest way to get them so he can go vegan. Lol. Do any if your kids play Survival Craft?

When you look down and realize your flip flop just left a poo smear on the floor and you confirm this by checking your shoe…and smelling it…but the poo smells disturbingly delicious because it’s not poo, it’s CHOCOLATE!

No one has even consumed chocolate in this house in the past 24 hrs. WTF!?

I am forever indebted to your mother for her incredible spawning practices. I love you!!!

We’re out bowling with our Littles when all of a sudden our bowling ramp gets adopted by the occupants in the lane beside us…a very energetic and friendly group of Little People!

After we politely told them that it was our ramp, and had just taken a dinner break, we agreed to share. Hopefully the kids will stop staring already!

You secretly want Brit to get you from behind with a purple strapon. In a group setting of course, because alone will just not be right.

Either you’re a shrink or you’ve visited your fair share? Genius!

Last night, I dreamt that I got rear-ended at a traffic light by Britney Spears, who was driving a tiny, fuzzy, purple car. We each had 2 other friends in the car. At first, we all laughed at the ridiculously slow speed collision, but then when we checked for damage and saw that there wasn’t any, she slammed on the gas and hit me again!

And then I woke up.